Language Of Work

EMPLOYER’S LINGO:

“COMPETITIVE SALARY”
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.


“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED TEAM”

We have no time to train you.

“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”
We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

“MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED”
You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.


“SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED”

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

“DUTIES WILL VARY”
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL”
We have no quality control.

“CAREER-MINDED”
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

“APPLY IN PERSON”
If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.

“NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE”
We’ve filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

“SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE”
You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.

“PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST”
You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

“REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS”
You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

“GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS”
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

“I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:”
I’ve used Microsoft Office.

“I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE”
I pilfer office supplies.

“MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES”
I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.

“I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK”
I blame others for my mistakes.

“I’M PERSONABLE”
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

“I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL”
I carry a Day-Timer.

“I AM ADAPTABLE”
I’ve changed jobs a lot.

“I AM ON THE GO”
I’m never at my desk.

“I’M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED”
The minute I find a better job, I’m outta there.

41 thoughts on “Language Of Work

  1. Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but
    after browsing through some of the post I realized it’s
    new to me. Anyways, I’m definitely delighted I found
    it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!

  2. I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I don’t know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already 😉 Cheers!

  3. Hello my friend! I want to say that this post is awesome, nice written and include almost all significant infos. I’d like to see more posts like this .

  4. some really nice and utilitarian information on this website , too I conceive the style and design has got wonderful features.

  5. Not that I care in anyway, but why must we continue having this discussion? Just thinking out loud (and typing at the same time) 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s